Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
