its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
