I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
