So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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