The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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