I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
