Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
