Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
