Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
