3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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