Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
