I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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