My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
