At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
