in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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