forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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