So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
