what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
