I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
did i just pee glitter
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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