Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
