I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
