I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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