So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
