He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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