I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Randomize
