My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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