Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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