Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
