I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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