Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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