i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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