This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
