true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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