don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
