I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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