Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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