i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
