I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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