that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
