It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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