no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
