So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
