What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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