I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
