I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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