Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
