Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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