Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
