honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
