I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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