so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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