please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
