I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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