I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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